Meanwhile In Chem Class
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Tumblr AU prompt from nadin2011; "setting is a science class: Bloom is a dirty minded little shit and starts chuckling to herself because of the word "tit"ration, Icy who sits next to her is annoyed and asks what could possibly so funny." I had fun typing this one.
1. Tit Ration

Resting her elbow on the desk, hand cupping her cheek, Icy drummed the eraser of her pencil on the polished wood. So far during the first 10 minutes of class Icy had stared out the window, contemplated life for about two minutes, remembered that she'd left the door to her house unlocked, took another minute to pray that Trent hadn't wandered inside to look in her underwear drawer (the boy had this annoying obsession with her), and had done a word by word analysis of the graffiti on the desk.

The conclusions she had arrived at with the graffiti were astounding. Upon finding a doodle of man parts (so kindly labeled 'peeniz' for those still in the dark about what it was). She'd given its drawer a psychoanalytic analysis—putting some serious thought into why the men in her school felt the need to draw their junk on everything.

She also tried to do a deep reading of the three line wanna-be-edgy-emo poem etched into the desk. But this was hard as you can't get much more outright than 'my heart flakes away like a black rose, my eyes cry for my bleeding heart, love is painful on my heart'. So Icy decided to pretend like the heart and the lost love was a metaphor for anarchy and the fall of a kingdom. That was much more profound.

Her favorite piece of high school desk art though was what looked like a picture of a mushroom in a tuxedo and a top hat…smoking a pipe. This school harbored such creative minds.

Icy also took the time to come up with a shitty love story for Jill and Garett, as one of the two had decided to carve their names into the desk inside a little arrow-heart. Icy decided that the two of them met in a Denny's parking lot after Garett tripped over Jill's discarded empty soda cup. He went to confront her about her vial littering problem and it was love ever since.

After coming up with all of this bullshit, Icy decided that chemistry class had to be the most boring class in the school if her mind was coming up with such absurdities.

"Okay class, now we are going to be learning about a technique where a solution of known concentration is used to determine the concentration of an unknown solution. Does anyone know what this is called?"

The teacher was met with a classroom sized army of blank stares.

"It's called titration."

From a seat beside Icy came a soft snicker.

Icy rolled her eyes. "And what's so funny about titration?"

This time the snicker was more of a booming laughter. "You said tit ration!"

"Oh my God." Icy grumbled. Of course she'd be sitting next to the dirty-minded class clown this year.

"Tit ration!" Bloom repeated. "Since we're rationing the tits, how many do I get and how many do you get!?"

Icy slapped her hand to her forehead. "None. No one is getting tits here."

"Oh really because I was just thinking you could ration your tits to me." Bloom wiggled her eyebrows.

"That…is the worst pick up line I have ever heard. And I had a parade of football douchebags lined up and waiting for me."

"That bad?"

"Yes," Icy hissed. "Now shut up before—"

"I'll be seeing you to in detention." Ms. Maddly stood just before Bloom's desk wearing the ugliest scowl Icy had ever seen on a human face. "I will not tolerate that kind of language in _my_ classroom!"

Well, since she was already in detention, "what language?" Icy asked, "you mean tit ration?" When the teacher said nothing she continued, "I'm just trying to memorize the vocab words."

There came a choir of laughs. Bloom clapped, kicking her legs up and down in delight. "Yeah, tit ration!"

"I hope the two of you are close, because you're going to be spending a lot of quality time together after school."

Bloom leaned in closer to Icy. "Yeah, get ready to ration dem tits."

"I can't wait." Icy mumbled.


	2. Blume Pyters and teh Fyre

Once again Icy found herself staring at the graffiti on her desk. She was ashamed to admit that she had in fact made her own contributions during those loathsome chemistry class.

Among the things she added was a companion for 'peeniz', a middle finger, and a bunch of band logos. She looked up briefly before drawing 'The 69 Eyes' logo.

"Today we will be working with different substances to turn fire different colors." Ms. Maddly instructed.

"I'm Blume Pyters," Bloom announced in her best mock-southern accent. "And I lyke me sum fyre!"

"Miss Peters, you may talk when we start the lab."

"Aw shucks Ms. Maddly are ya still mad 'bout tit ration?"

"Will you be quiet, some of us are trying to learn."

"Well hot diddly dogs I didn't know ya'll liked the fiyre to Icy. 'N here I were thinkin' that you only liked snow."

Icy pinched the bridge of her nose. "I hate fire but I'm willing to work with it if it'll help me keep my straight A's."

Due to Bloom replying with a wink, "you won't be able to keep anything straight with me around." Icy missed when Ms. Maddly instructed the class to choose their partners.

"It looks like you and Peters are partners now." The stiff elderly woman offered Icy what she assumed was a smug smirk.

"Okay I may smoke in the bathroom every now and again, but I'm a good student, I swear. I deserve a better partner.

"On the contrary, I think Bloom is just at your level."

Icy sighed. "Alright...Peters." She hissed. "Let's get this over with."

"Well rootin' tootin' I think we're gunna have a dandy time." Bloom declared as she strutted over to the lab counter.

"Will you drop the country slang!" Icy barked and slammed her binder onto the counter.

Bloom ignited the flame. She was about to make it larger when Maddly leaned over her shoulder and announced, "that size is quite suitable miss Peters and I don't recommend taking it any higher. I won't have my lab be the reason for another school-wide evacuation."

"I know, I know Ms. M." She reached over and picked up a pinch of copper(I) chloride powder.

"Dammit, don't pick it up with your hands!" Icy hollered. With the designated tool she swabbed a bit of the powder and hovered it over the fire until it sputtered a deep blue.

"Oh das niiiiiice." Bloom winked. "I love me some fire. Imma try now! Gonna make it pink!" She reached for the lithium chloride.

"Oh no you don't." Icy slammed her hand atop Bloom's.

"Don't you trust me?" Bloom asked.

"Trust the class pyromaniac around fire. Hell no." Icy replied.

"I thought I was the class clown."

"And the class pervert. You can be all three." Icy pointed out as she dyed the fire a bright pink.

"I wonder if I could turn the fire in my lighter pink..." Bloom muttered. She swept a bit of the powder into a ziplock bag.

"And what do you think you are going to do with that?" Ms. Maddly asked.

"Umm...I was going to..."

"Join me for another detention after school." Ms. Maddly filled in. "In fact the two of you can complete your labs then."

Icy blinked twice. "I had nothing to do with this!"

"You were going to let her smuggle a bag of lithium chloride out of my classroom.

"You don't know that. Perhaps I would have told you." Icy pointed out.

"You? I doubt that, I know all about your little stunt last year."

"I wanted a few pet leeches okay. They were just sitting there, they were going to die so I took them."

"And now you can _take_ a seat in detention." The teacher shuffled away.

"Peters, I swear if you get me a detention one more time..." She trailed off.

"You'll never ration those tits to me?"

Icy lightly banged her head on the counter, knowing that she'd have to suffer this woman for an extra hour. lightly banged her head on the counter, knowing that she'd have to suffer this woman for an extra hour.


	3. Frogster

"Squish squish." Bloom jabbed at the frog with her her finger.

Icy eyed the woman with a degree of loathing. "Will you stop that?" She snapped. She sighed, class to class she always seemed to get stuck with this weirdo.

"Hey Icy, my name is Frogster." Bloom declared, holding the frog like a doll. Sh rocked it back and forth. "And I want to be your date."

"Bloom Peters, put the frog down."

Bloom picked up one of it's tiny arms and slapped Icy with it. She burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh man this is awesome! I love lab days."

"I used to enjoy lab days." Icy frowned, thinking back to the glorious days when she use to pair up with Darcy or Stormy but those days ended when Darcy graduated and Stormy transferred. She was left twice as bitter knowing that Darcy was younger than she and managed to snatch up and early graduation.

"Icy I love you." Bloom remarked, speaking on behalf of the dead frog.

"Will you focus Bloom!?" Icy snapped. "Put the frog down."

Bloom made an attempt to smack Icy with the tiny frog arms again, but instead successfully managed drop the frog.

"Are you serious." Icy could feel her eye twitching in annoyance. "I said put it down not drop it. Good God, I can't believe you dropped the frog we're supposed to be trying to dissect, onto the dirty ass floor! What the fuck!"

"Whoops." Bloom offered her a lopsided smile.

Icy slapped her palm to her forehead, her nails combing through her hair. And that's where she left them. "I hate you she muttered through gritted teeth.

"Hey Icy, look at this."

Icy couldn't be certain which organ Bloom had punctured but she was sure it was the one the teacher specifically said to leave alone, for it was now squirting some clear fluid everywhere. Her lip curled in disgust, "you are truly disgusting."

"Icy and Bloom!" Snarled their biology teacher. "What did I tell you specifically not to do!?"

"I swear, it was all Peters." Icy grumbled, knowing that she'd be sitting in detention no matter what she said.


End file.
